I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
