yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
