the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
