Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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