dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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