the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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