We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
