My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
