You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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