chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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