so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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