I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
