At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
