Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
