opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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