But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
