yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
