Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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