You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
