Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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