She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
