Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
