I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
