Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do herpes really smell.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
