I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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