Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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