I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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