And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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