I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
