So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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