I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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