Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
NoShamevember. You game?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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