it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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