He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
