Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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