So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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