You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize