I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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