I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
