her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
