I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
