Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
