Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
