For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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