xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
