i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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