tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My hand turned me down
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
