is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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