got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
