I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
