Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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