Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
