she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
