Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
