I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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