i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
