well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
