I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
