sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
