How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
