Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can Purell be used as lube?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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