I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
