so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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