I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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