there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
