I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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