i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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