those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
