Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
