I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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