she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
