she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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