I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
