well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
