You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
