The maid of honor just puked.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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