Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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