I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
