Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
