Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
