Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
