loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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