bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
