I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
