So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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