my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize