Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
