Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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