next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
