You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
