I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize