when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
