pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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