I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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